Father of the Child

Blogging. How I would like to do it more, but have been too exhausted to even open up my computer when I get home.

I love the weekends, and not just because it is "the weekend", but because on the weekends I do not have to deal with "The Father of The Child."  He says I treat him like a babysitter. Well, of course I always tell him, of course you're not...but eh, yeah. That's all he is good for.  I mean I called him on fathers day to see if he wanted to see his kid, and he said, "Maybe later, it's my day off." Are you kidding me? You wonder why you feel like a scheduled babysitter...well that's why, shit for brains.  He doesn't help me with Rebecca's medical bills, No child support, and I definitely cannot make my work schedule inconvenient for him.

Most of you know, he and I were probably never meant to be, but it took me bringing a child into this world with him, to smarten up.  What blows my mind now, is I don't understand what I EVER found attractive about him.  He literally makes me sick to look at.  Everything that comes out of his mouth, revolves around what is wrong with his life, and how what I do or say immediately effects him, and only him.  Well, his life is a shithole because he made it that way.  He got into the car accident that paralyzed him for life, and made him a drug addict, by his own doing. His grandparents and aunt spoiled him beyond belief, to where there is no way he can survive without somebody taking care of him.

I guess if we could leave our relationship at him being the babysitter, and me having to do nothing but drop my daughter off and pick her up, life wouldn't be too excruciating around him.  But that is not what our relationship consists of.  Random name calling because I won't lend him money, or buy him cigarrettes, is not even half of what I deal with.  I don't get child support from him, while he lives in a beautiful house, and my kids and I live in a shithole condo across the street from a half-way house.  I would like to think his family will eventually give the house to my kids, but I am not keeping my hopes up.

I realize that this whole blog has been one huge bitch-fest, but i'm not too remorseful for it.  ;) 

On another note, my health issue regarding my weight has still not been resolved.  The labs came back, and they lean toward what they initially thought. However, I found this out on my own...I can not get anybody to call me back about a resolution to my abnormally high levels of glucose in my labs. ...yet another reason I am on a bitch fest... *SIGH*  Happy Saturday all!!

Avoiding Therapy

So many times, in the past couple of years, people (such as physicians and my mother) have told me I should be in counseling.  Apparently I am a bitter, jaded, man-hating bitch. I prefer to think of myself as an independent, slightly stressed out, single mom with no interest for a man in my life.  However my personality is perceived to others, it is really none of my concern.  I do my best to remain calm; anxiety is a huge issue for me lately.  I do my best to provide a stable home for my daughters.  Right now, I am trying my hardest to stay healthy. 

Weight has always been an issue for me.  Right now, I do not worry about it for any other reason that how I feel from it, mentally and physically.  As I asked my doctor for help, she also tells me that I should look into counseling.  She believes I am eating to compensate for something else.  Um okay...I eat less than 1200 calories a day, peddle my under-desk peddler, all damn day, and do the elliptical several times a week.  Can you tell me how that is eating my feelings??  I have put 15lbs on in 2 months.  *I* believe there are further issues to be addressed, so they are finally looking into something more than just assuming that I am a binging fat-ass. 

I only pray that something comes out of the labs that were drawn yesterday.  I do not keep my hopes up.  I have tons of issues, but I come off like somewhat of a hypochondriac when nothing results from tests taken.  Thyroid came back "perfect" so now we test insulin levels and for polycystic ovaries.  I am told that if this is my condition I should be growing hair in odd places. *looks down shirt* ummm... not yet.

I am going to do my best to blog as often as I can. I have so much to say, actually, to bitch about... but if I put it all in one post...(1) I wouldn't have much else to blog about in the future and (2) I will be up all night.